| Relationships are either getting better or | | | | concept that says that all of the information |
| they are getting worse. They are dynamic | | | | .that finds its way into our unconscious must |
| entities and do not remain the same. | | | | first pass through the Medulla, a small |
| Therefore, if your relationship is not | | | | switching device in the brain. It is |
| getting better, it is more than likely | | | | believed that over 70 percent of what we are |
| getting worse in some way. | | | | exposed to never reaches our conscious mind |
| | | | and directed to our unconscious |
| One of the critical issues that determines | | | | automatically. Therefore much of what we hear |
| whether a relationship is getting better or | | | | is registered in our mind for future recall. |
| worse is the focus of the people involved. | | | | 2 The unconscious mind can't |
| Every relationship has some positive as well | | | | differentiate between what is real and |
| as negative stuff going on. You can choose | | | | imagined. |
| to focus on the negatives or the positives. | | | | |
| There are five ways in which we do this. | | | | Combining these two principles, much of our |
| | | | thinking as well as selftalk is |
| 1. Our internal selftalk. | | | | nothing more than recycling old information |
| | | | over and over again. If this |
| 2. Our external behavior that focuses on what | | | | selftalk is negative we will bring to |
| is working or not working. | | | | our conscious mind other similar negative |
| | | | experiences or feelings that have been stored |
| 3. Our expectations of the other person. | | | | for future reference. The same is true on |
| | | | the positive side. If our focus is on the |
| 4. Our perceptual interpretations of the | | | | negative through internal negative |
| other person's behavior. | | | | preoccupation we will tend to filter even |
| | | | positive actions or words from another person |
| 5. Our obsession with the other person's | | | | through this negative filter. You can begin |
| behavior. | | | | to see how this negative preoccupation tends |
| | | | to bring even more negatives into focus. |
| Let's look at the issue of self-talk. | | | | |
| | | | The key is to only permit positive thoughts |
| Selftalk is your unedited ongoing | | | | into your active consciousness, by rejecting |
| internal dialog that you have with yourself | | | | any negatives. This doesn't mean that these |
| every waking minute of your life. Whether | | | | negatives do not exist. They are very real, |
| this selftalk continues during sleep | | | | but we can choose what we allow into our |
| is anybody's guess. Each of us has a variety | | | | moment by moment thinking. One of the best |
| of mental filters that let some information | | | | ways to accomplish this is through the |
| into our consciousness while rejecting other | | | | repetitive exposure of only thoughts, ideas, |
| information. | | | | feelings that you want to have resurface. |
| | | | You have conscious control, if you take it. |
| There are two concepts that have an impact on | | | | Most people do not. They feel that their |
| our selftalk. They are: | | | | thinking is not within the domain of their |
| 1There is a medical/psychological | | | | active control. |