| Relationships are either getting better or they are | | | | device in the brain. It is believed that over 70 percent |
| getting worse. They are dynamic entities and do not | | | | of what we are exposed to never reaches our |
| remain the same. Therefore, if your relationship is not | | | | conscious mind and directed to our unconscious |
| getting better, it is more than likely getting worse in | | | | automatically. Therefore much of what we hear is |
| some way. | | | | registered in our mind for future recall. 2 The |
| One of the critical issues that determines whether a | | | | unconscious mind can't differentiate between what is |
| relationship is getting better or worse is the focus of | | | | real and imagined. |
| the people involved. Every relationship has some | | | | Combining these two principles, much of our thinking as |
| positive as well as negative stuff going on. You can | | | | well as selftalk is nothing more than recycling |
| choose to focus on the negatives or the positives. | | | | old information over and over again. If this |
| There are five ways in which we do this. | | | | selftalk is negative we will bring to our |
| 1. Our internal selftalk. | | | | conscious mind other similar negative experiences or |
| 2. Our external behavior that focuses on what is | | | | feelings that have been stored for future reference. |
| working or not working. | | | | The same is true on the positive side. If our focus is on |
| 3. Our expectations of the other person. | | | | the negative through internal negative preoccupation |
| 4. Our perceptual interpretations of the other person's | | | | we will tend to filter even positive actions or words |
| behavior. | | | | from another person through this negative filter. You |
| 5. Our obsession with the other person's behavior. | | | | can begin to see how this negative preoccupation |
| Let's look at the issue of self-talk. | | | | tends to bring even more negatives into focus. |
| Selftalk is your unedited ongoing internal | | | | The key is to only permit positive thoughts into your |
| dialog that you have with yourself every waking | | | | active consciousness, by rejecting any negatives. This |
| minute of your life. Whether this selftalk | | | | doesn't mean that these negatives do not exist. They |
| continues during sleep is anybody's guess. Each of us | | | | are very real, but we can choose what we allow into |
| has a variety of mental filters that let some information | | | | our moment by moment thinking. One of the best |
| into our consciousness while rejecting other information. | | | | ways to accomplish this is through the repetitive |
| There are two concepts that have an impact on our | | | | exposure of only thoughts, ideas, feelings that you |
| selftalk. They are: 1There is a | | | | want to have resurface. You have conscious control, if |
| medical/psychological concept that says that all of the | | | | you take it. Most people do not. They feel that their |
| information .that finds its way into our unconscious | | | | thinking is not within the domain of their active control. |
| must first pass through the Medulla, a small switching | | | | |